I was working with a client today, and as is almost always the case, the beliefs and values of childhood were running the show. Many of us don’t understand how our mind and body work together. It’s both simple and complicated.
In the “Biology of Belief” Bruce Lipton teaches us about the conscious and subconscious mind. I could go into my beliefs about past lives, or my alignment with Carl Jung’s philosophy that the human mind is not just a blank slate at birth to be written on solely by experience, but for today, let’s talk about the scientific aspects of the challenges of change.
No one can argue that our beliefs and habits are programmed in from our caregivers, whoever they may have been. Parents, teachers, family, friends, society, religion or lack of, and on and on. Our job is to understand what’s true for us and what’s not so we can line up with our truest self and stop living someone else’s life!
Change Takes Courage!
Your conscious mind is controlling about 5% of what’s happening in your world. The stronger your habits are, the stronger you have to be to change them, and to create the new habits that will make the difference.
You’ve been thinking and doing the same way for most of your life. If you want to change a habit, and consequently your life, then you have to do something different to move toward the change you desire.
When we start to make changes, alarms and whistles go off. No, that’s new, that’s not safe, that’s could be dangerous. The mind/brain likes to stay in what it knows.
When I was sixteen, in a violent incident with my father, I accidentally scratched him with my ring. It shocked him out of his rage and he never touched me or spoke to me again. If that hadn’t happened it’s likely I would have perpetuated that version of violence in my life. As it happened I did keep the violence going but in other ways, until I made the conscious changes that has me living my life with a beautiful man and I am happy and healthy in every way. It was a big old fat process though.
Here’s what happens: The changes start in your mind but also in your body.
- You have a thought, your brain starts to make some chemicals that will match that thought based on past experiences and you feel uncomfortable in your body, and do your usual reaction.
- Or you have a feeling, and the body creates some chemicals that create a thought based on past experiences associated with that feeling, and once again, you have your usual experience.
It’s not your fault!
Your brain is hardwired to keep you safe and change is not safe – at least according to certain areas of your brain.
When making a commitment to change, you have to go through the process of feeling your feelings and changing your thoughts, at the same time as you keep moving forward. You have to practice over and over. It’s a 24/7 job for a while and then over time it becomes your more natural state.
Whenever I do a speaking gig I get stressed. It used to be I would have endless days and nights of tossing and turning. I had friends and colleagues tell me that if I wasn’t thinking about myself, and instead thinking about the audience, I wouldn’t feel that way. While that may be true, all I could feel was I was in danger! LOL
I practiced feeling my feelings, changing my thoughts, imagining myself having a good time, spending a little more time meditating and eventually it became just a feeling and a thought that has little to no power. I know that there is no boogieman coming to get me and I can embrace the wonderful joy of the possibility of changing someone’s life. I feel lucky! When I get that feeling, I remember and do what I know to do.
You know what to do too!
Answer these questions for yourself:
- What’s the one thing that you want to change?
- What are the thoughts and feelings that are associated with that change?
Take the time, connect the dots and make the changes that make the difference.
Feel your feelings
Change your thoughts
Create a life you love
How?
When you get that feeling, the one that’s particular to you, you’ll need to learn to discern the difference between true danger (which is almost never) and avoidance of something you’re not saying or not doing. This is where stress lies. What are you not saying or not doing? The other triggers are experience driven such as a smell, a touch, a familiar and uncomfortable feeling that drives stress and indecision.
There are multitudes of ways that can make a difference, but initially it is beneficial to just start noticing when that feeling sets in and why.
When you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change. Wayne Dyer
- Start the day with focus
- Declare that you are ready to change the way you see things
- Notice when negativity takes you over
- Change your thoughts NOW
- Go on a complaining diet – NO complaining
- Fake it till you make it
- Look around with gratitude – what are you grateful for?
- Applause, applause
Some days are harder than others. When it just isn’t working use this tool.
Accept – What can I accept right now?
Commit – What am I committed to?
Practice – What do I need to practice – what’s my plan?
Discomfort – Where do I feel discomfort in my body – lean in.
Courage – Do I have the courage to keep going?
Awake – How can I stay awake?
Celebrate – Everything!
You are amazing. Everyone knows it. You are beautiful just as you are. You may desire change and that’s cool too. I know I will always be striving for more, more of myself and more from others, that’s just my nature. What is your true nature? How will you fulfill your desires and purpose? How can we see more of you?
Will the real you please stand up, stand out and be the best, most authentic version of you. We need you, you need you, and the world needs you and your specialness. Comment below… How will you fulfill your desires and purpose? How can we see more of you?
Savvy Blog Contributor
Five Star Coaching Group
Karen Carey is the founder of Ruby Red Road and partner at Five Star Coaching Group. As a CultureTalk certified partner, she helps businesses and teams create a productive and positive environment with self-knowledge, collaboration and heart to maximize potential and ultimate success.
Karen will be the guest speaker at our Networking Soiree on September 17th in Albany, New York. For ticket details please click here.
Opinions expressed by Savvy Women blog contributors are their own.